Survivor 50 recap: Jimmy Fallon just punked Jeff Probst on national TV

With apologies to Angelina Keeley, Jimmy Fallon may actually be the master negotiator when it comes to Survivor. The way Jeff Probst tells it, he wanted the Tonight Show host to be part of his Survivor 50 celebritypalooza (spearfishing optional). But Fallon, suddenly drunk with late night hosting power, cut some sort of deal that he would only do it if Probst took him up on his idea to compete in a Survivor challenge alongside contestants.

There is a good reason why Probst would resist such an idea. And that reason is that the host actually competing in a Survivor challenge against contestants is completely absurd. WHICH IS ALSO THE EXACT REASON TO GO AND DO IT!

I’ve said it countless times before, and the evidence just keeps piling up: Probst has entered his weird era. And I remain absolutely here for it. Bring on the raps. Cue up some new impressions. Can we get one of the Journeys to just be tea time with Probst? (And then the tea gets pulled out of your hand and into the ocean if you don’t drink it fast enough?) It’s all so wonderfully bizarre, and the fact that the Hostmaster General has initiated IDGAF mode gives me a level of hilarious joy that I was honestly not sure could be achieved while watching a reality competition show.

But it could have been even better! And this, I blame on the contestants. Probst began the proceedings by taking out a knife and threatening to “pull a Keoni,” which I always thought was being super smooth and handsome and making all the women in the Survivor press corps swoon, but also apparently means repeatedly stabbing bags of rice. However, the host had another idea.

“I too am a fan of Survivor,” he announced. (I would certainly hope so.) “So I have an idea I would like to put in the game. In the spirit of In the Hands of the Fans, I will put the rice back up on the line, but only if five of you are willing to make a side bet… with me.” He went on to announce, “I’m running today’s challenge. You want to earn your rice, you’re going to do it by outlasting me.”

He then explained that he wanted five players to take a side bet, and if all five of them outlasted him, they got the rice. The whiny contestants immediately started complaining about the terms of the deal, explaining that they were all depleted and that Probst had a shower… although I’m not sure how much that last point plays into anything. Probst countered that he was older than all of them and had no game incentive to win. Fair.

Eventually, Jonathan bargained Probst down to four people he had to beat. But why not go even further? Even if the players did not know the full extent of Probst’s shady backroom deal with Fallon, it was clear that the host really, really wanted to compete in this particular challenge. Why not take advantage of that and go down to three, maybe two, possibly even just one person? I mean, on one hand, I would have been bummed had this strategy not worked because I was at this point obsessed with seeing the host compete for no reason in a Survivor challenge, but I was even more obsessed with watching what our beloved master of ceremonies would have done if the players had been all “Nah, we’re good” and deflated every single molecule of air out of that ballon.

He was already committed! The deal with Fallon was already in place! So had the contestants called his bluff, would Probst have still competed with absolutely nothing on the line? Would he have jumped on a boat to go dump that Journey puzzle into the ocean and rip up Fallon’s parchment before anyone else could get there? Or would he have just stood there awkwardly calling the entire challenge while standing next to a whole contraption with an absurdly long rope that was never even used? THESE ARE ALL FANTASTIC OPTIONS! It was a no-lose situation for us viewers. Hilarity would have ensued Choose Your Adventure Style no matter what page you turned to.

Alas, the bargain was struck at four and the challenge commenced with Probst needing to beat Jonathan, Joe, Ozzy, and Tiffany to deny them the rice. In the end, he could not best any of them, and maybe that’s the headline on his performance and we can all make fun of him for bowing out after seven-and-a-half-minutes. That certainly would be a lot more fun. But that is also conveniently ignoring that he did beat Rizo (almost 40 years younger), Emily, Rick, and Cirie.

Contrary to Probst’s claims that he was letting down his entire crew, that’s a more-than-respectable showing for a then-63-year-old. It was fun watching the cast razz him and throw some of his previous play-by-play commentary back in his face. Of course, the best part was the montage of clips showing Probst tearing into poor challenge performances of the past, calling them pathetic and noting at one point that, “You need to stop bitching and start throwing.” (Notice all these clips were from old-era Survivor, when the host unleashed a much sharper tongue while calling the action.)

So it’s not like Fallon exactly screwed over his buddy by making him put his reputation on the line in a physical competition. But there was another person who definitely felt screwed over by the comedian’s intrusion into Survivor 50. Let’s get into t